


Wrench

by Toft



Category: SGA - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-05-27
Updated: 2008-05-27
Packaged: 2017-10-19 22:32:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/205936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Toft/pseuds/Toft
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John wants Rodney to play a plumber in his sex fantasy. But Rodney's a water systems designer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wrench

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Kink Bingo 2008, for the square 'domestic/tradesmen'.
> 
> With thanks to thingswithwings for the idea!

"This is ridiculous," said Rodney. John fluttered his eyelashes and cocked his hips a bit, and the toolbelt rode a little lower, drawing the eye inexorably to the trail of hair on John’s belly, which beckoned downward under the industrial yellow. "No, don’t look at me like that. I’m sorry, but you’re just not convincing as a plumber."

"How about you let me examine your pipes before you make up your mind about that, Rodney?" leered John, and Rodney threw up his hands.

"Look if you’d even done the _tiniest_ bit of research -"

John put on his most reasonable face, lower lip showing just the hint of a pout. "I did research."

"Go on then, arouse me with your facility with technical vocabulary."

"Double trapping is prohibited by plumbing codes," John said, waggling his eyebrows. "Where connection to a municipal sewage system is not possible, a local, private, code-approved septic system is required."

"On second thoughts, kill me now."

"If you're lucky," John purred, "I'll use my high pressure hydro jet for some trenchless sewer line replacement."

"I hate you."

John sat back on his haunches, cutting off all the blood to Rodney's legs, and sighed, looking deeply disappointed. "Look, Rodney, all I’m asking for is a little imagination."

"I have plenty of imagination, thankyou, but I also have my _dignity_ , which is why I refuse to debase my years of training and expertise to indulge your kinky sex fantasies!"

"But it’s _hot_ ," whined John.

"Do you even know what a hydro jet is? Look, I'm a perfectionist, and inaccuracy is just a turn-off for me."  
John shivered a little. Rodney ignored him. Then John wriggled on top of him and started sucking kisses down his throat.

"See," he breathed, as Rodney struggled to keep his mind on the issue,"That's why you should be the plumber, Rodney, you’re so damn good at it -"

"Don’t think you can get around me with your shameless flattery," Rodney squeaked, as John licked his collarbone and made a happy noise into his neck, the toolbelt digging painfully into Rodney’s stomach. "I am _not_ a plumber, as you very well know, I am a _water systems designer_ , and I refuse to be dragged down into the cliché of a hack, wash-basin, monkey-wrench -"

"Aw, c’mon, Rodney, I’ve _seen_ you use a monkey-wrench. It was hot."

Only he, Rodney thought darkly, could ever have got himself into this situation. It had all been very exciting at first, and, yes, he could admit that the way John’s overalls hung on his hips and the way the disgustingly filthy sleeveless t-shirts he always wore showed off his shoulders and hairy biceps as he rummaged at wall-panels, wrist-deep in wiring and covered in dust had been… well. And, yes, John was mildly amusing, and had tolerable taste in movies, and had was just always _there_ , bouncing on his heels in the corner of Rodney’s eye, asking annoying questions while Rodney tried to work on the finely calibrated, exceedingly delicate, state-of-the-art alloy pipe system he was installing in the Fox-Worthington’s Boston mansion, and eventually he had forced Rodney to have sex with him out of sheer irritation. They had continued to have sex. John was very irritating.

If Rodney'd thought about it, fool that he was, he’d have assumed it was his magnetic personality that John was attracted to, and possibly his ass, which he was pretty sure John spent a disturbing amount of time staring at, since he was always somewhere in the background whenever Rodney happened to straighten up unexpectedly. He could never have imagined that he was unwittingly playing a role in John’s disgusting sex fantasies.

" _Please_ , Rodney,” John murmured, giving up the charade and staring earnestly into Rodney’s eyes, rather ruining the effect by humping his thigh at the same time.

"Absolutely not."

"C'mon. I'll even give you the first line." He raised his voice about an octave and distorted it beyond all recognition - Rodney's accent did _not_ sound like that - and said, "Hey, Mr. Sheppard, I'm here to inspect your pipes."

"This is so degrading."

John rubbed his thumbs down the sides of Rodney's neck and kissed him, sliding his tongue against Rodney's and _intentionally_ distracting him, so Rodney didn't notice for a minute that John was caressing something other than Rodney.

"Are you - is that my chain wrench? Put that down! That is a precision instrument!"

John rubbed the electric blue wrench along Rodney's thigh. The top of it brushed against Rodney's bare skin over the top of his pants, and he flinched. "It's cold, you maniac, put it away!"

"So, what do you use this for?" John said, lifting the wrench to tap it against his bottom lip.

"Are you seriously telling me," Rodney managed, "that you want me to talk about backflow systems and subsurface water drainage while you - oh dear god, you _do_."

"Yeah," breathed John, his eyes rolling back in his head as he started fumbling with his own pants, trying to get his fly open under the toolbelt.

"Oh, that is just typical."

"Don't _stop_ , Rodney -"

"Fine. Did you know that this building was double trapped? It had an internal _and_ an external vent trap, which is against every bylaw and plumbing code known to _man_. God knows what kind of diseases they got from incomplete aerobic sewage digestion, not to mention the smell -"

John stopped rummaging in his pants, and glared at him.

"What? I'm just giving you an informed and realistic picture of my job!"

"Look," John said, flopping down off Rodney onto the bed and pinching the bridge of his nose, "You're really making this into a much bigger deal than it needs to be. Can't you just talk dirty to me about the wrench?"

"I don't -" Rodney said, staring at the ceiling, "Look, being a water systems designer isn't _sexy_. I'm not - I'm not one of those guys, I can't do that porn star plumber stuff, I've never even had sex on the job, and, I mean, look at you, you're a walking pay-per-view channel, and I don't even know why you - "

"Hey," John said. He propped himself up on one elbow and looked at Rodney, until Rodney squirmed under his scrutiny. "I tell you what we're gonna do," John said finally, "You're gonna tell me what each of these -" he waggled the wrench, then gestured at the other array of tools slung from his belt - "are for, and I'm gonna jerk off. How does that sound?"

Rodney considered. He'd never watched John jerk off before, and he had to admit that, well, the toolbelt did ride down on his hips rather attractively, and Rodney hadn't gotten to be the most sought-after plumber in the state by turning down high-stakes, high-gains challenges. "No cheesy dialogue?"

"Oh, for - it's not about the _dialogue_ , Rodney. It's just - " John shifted a little, and dropped his eyes to Rodney's shoulder. "Look, just talk about the damn tools, okay?"

"I'm really not comfortable with dirty talk," Rodney said, crossing his arms.

"You don't have to be creative," John said. "Just pretend I'm a client, and you're telling me what the stuff does." He looked up from under his eyelashes and spread his legs a little. Rodney cleared his throat.

"I suppose I can do that."

"So c'mon, Rodney," John said, breathing hard through his nose and shoving his hand into his pants, finally. "Tell me about the wrench?"

Rodney cleared his throat again and sat up on the bed, cross-legged, feeling stupid. "Well, that one's for handling plastic pipe without crushing it."

"Mm hmm," John says, his eyes drifting closed. He sighed and wriggled a little, but all Rodney could see was a muscle twitch in his wrist, and some vague suggestion of motion under the belt and baggy work pants.

"That next one's a pipe wrench. That's for holding and turning metal pipes and fittings."

John sighed, and let his head drop back. Rodney shifted to give himself some room, turned-on and annoyed and frustrated, because he couldn't _see_ anything, and he could not understand what John was getting out of this.

"That next one, that's um. Those are machine grooved joint and box joint pliers."

"Yeah?" John's voice cracked a little. Rodney shifted again, and thought about whether undoing his fly would be misinterpreted as an admission he was finding this hot. Because, while Rodney found John's enjoyment of the tools of his trade weird, inexplicable and frankly disturbing, well, John was _touching_ himself, and his face was rapt and quiet, and Rodney wasn't made of stone.

"Those are for grabbing things that are hard to reach and difficult to turn. Screws, that is. Um."

"You're doing great, Rodney," John husked, fervent and sincere, and shifted so that he could get more of his hand into his pants.

"You could, um, take them off, you know," Rodney managed.

"Nah, it's good," John said. "What's the next one for?"

"That's a basin wrench," Rodney said. "They're for loosening and tightening nuts in awkward positions -"

"Yeah, I get that," said John, smirking as he twisted his hips to get his hand deeper into his pants, eyes closed.

"Is that it?" Rodney squawked, his voice going way higher than he meant it to, "Is it seriously the innuendo that's doing it for you?"

John made a noise that could really only be described as a whine, and his hand stopped moving in his pants. He glared at Rodney.

"Look, I just can't do this!" Rodney snapped, and got off the bed, trying not to adjust himself too obviously. "I'm really, really, really bad at pretending to be something I'm not, and -"

"Rodney, you _are_ a plumber."

"I'm not a, a smooth-talking, muscular, shaven, eleven-inch - I'm not _sexy_ -"

John pulled his hand out of his pants, grabbed Rodney's wrists and pulled him down onto the bed in one smooth motion. Rodney blinked, and found himself looking up into John's face. He looked intent, pissy and ridiculously out of Rodney's league.

"You know what you do that's really, really hot?"

Rodney scowled. "Please, spare me."

"When you fix stuff," John murmured, nudging Rodney's face to the side to nibble at his jaw, his neck, his ear. Rodney shivered, despite himself. "When you get all mad at the way everything else who worked on it before you was an idiot, and you talk to yourself -"

"- I do _not_ talk to myself -"

"And you get all sweaty, god, Rodney. You know what it made me think about, the first time I saw you work?"

"I swear to god, if you make another joke about your plumbing -"

"Oh, for fuck's sake, Rodney, I wanted to blow you," John blurted out.

Rodney blinked. John blinked back at him, cross-eyed from the proximity. He opened his mouth and closed it again, then said, in that same husky, crazy-hot voice and with a slightly stricken expression, like he couldn't believe what he was hearing come out of his own mouth, "I wanted to suck you off, Rodney, I wanted - I wanted to fuck you until you couldn't remember your own _name_ -"

Then he kissed Rodney, apparently to shut himself up. But that was okay, because Rodney was having an epiphany. He broke away from John's hot, delicious, incredible mouth long enough to say, "Oh my god, if you'd just _said_ you found my extreme brilliance hot, for which, well, I can't say I blame you, but for some reason there aren't that many people who recognise that, and - oh, hm. Is that my adjustable pipe wrench, or-"

"I'm happy to see you," John breathed, and Rodney figured, in for a penny, and reached down to show him exactly how it worked.

*

"Well, now we've established that it is, in fact, my brilliance that turns you on rather than the finer points of septic systems, could we possibly keep my job separate from my sex life?" Rodney mumbled into John's shoulder, later. "You realize I'll have to buy new overalls?"

"As long as your ass looks as good in them," John said, patting Rodney on said ass with orgasm-induced benevolence. "Next time, you wanna be space explorers?"

Rodney lifted his head long enough to glare at him, incredulous. " _Space_ explorers?"

"Sure. I'll be the daredevil pilot, you'll be my cranky engineer sidekick -"

"Okay, first of all, if anything I'd be the genius scientist and you'd be my hot bodyguard, and secondly, just because we've identified my brilliance in general as a characteristic you find devastatingly sexy -"

John talked over him happily, one hand skritching down Rodney's spine in a way that made Rodney about as capable of any further protest as a puddle of goo, "We get captured by aliens, they force us to perform a sex ritual at their temple - come on, it's a classic, McKay."

"Please," griped Rodney, on his way into sleep, "At least let's maintain a little plausibility."

End  


**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Plumber Players 2](https://archiveofourown.org/works/205937) by [Toft](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Toft/pseuds/Toft)




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